i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
