Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
