he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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