The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
