all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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