sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
