If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
