Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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