ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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