guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
