another moral hangover. fuck.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
