I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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