Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
