She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
