are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
