Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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