if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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