i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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