High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My life is pants optional.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
