I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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