At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
