Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
