Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
