i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
