We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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