Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
