my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
