i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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