i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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