Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it was like his penis was on wheels.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
