You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
