he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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