I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
