I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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