He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
