Fuck appropriateness.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
