No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
