Your tits are I can't wait for
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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