Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
