I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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