i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
