He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
