This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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