After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think my cat just said my name.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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