Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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