you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
