A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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