There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
