goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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