Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize