When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
