I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
