Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
