I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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