New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
