Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize