sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
