just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize