I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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