i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
