I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
