i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
