My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
