so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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