just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
