After last night, I could never be a politician.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
