well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
