Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
